It is true that the more we make peace with who we are, the greater quiet wisdom we seem to project into the world around us. Especially when those big lessons in life throw us a curve ball, it takes awhile for us to find our way back to Center again. Within those intense times of grief and growth, we do actually have immense opportunities to evolve as a person. Hence the saying, when hardship visits us in this life journey, of getting bitter or getting better…

I’m sure we can all agree that there are many manifestations of grief that end up getting represented in a physical manner, simply because we are unaware of the fact that we are grieving, or we are suppressing the emotions and feelings we are having. As a dear friend said to me when I asked her what her reaction was to her being told she had breast cancer, she said, “I don’t have time for this!”

It is true that we don’t want to make time for grief, and it is also true that we must learn to recognize the importance of allowing its healing course to move through us. I often say with humour that we suffer from emotional constipation, transferring emotions of grief into physical symptoms if we don’t acknowledge our feelings. We need to become aware and give credence to our grief, as well as the quiet inner Voice within each and every one of us that waits to guide us into healing and a higher state of understanding, meaning and peace. The truth of the matter is that, if we don’t deal with unfinished business through the recognizable expressions of mourning, it will manage to distort and express itself in alternate ways.

I liken it to the saying that you can come now or later, and gently or kicking and screaming, yet one thing is sure: you are going to go through this!  

In going through some dated material at my office recently, I discovered a cassette tape of a talk given by Elisabeth Kubler Ross in 1980, shortly before I met her. It was delightful to listen to her humour and rapport with her audience as she spoke about the imperative issues we must learn around death and dying, which of course was all about life and living! It struck me instantly how timeless her thoughts and ideas are, and how I do need to keep sharing them in the hope that those who read this might find their “aha” moment, or change effectively how they facilitate their children’s emotional expression as well as their own, especially if they themselves were not allowed to do so…

We must realize that our emotional wounds of childhood either empower us to positive change in life, or they hold us back in a paradigm of limitedness of thought and attitude towards life and love. I know suicide and addictions are rampant due to unresolved grief issues and how we handle that in our culture.

Yesterday was spent at the funeral of the son of a family very dear to us. Although he was in his mid sixties, he was a brother and a son to those who loved him. As a family of men, it was a lesson for me to again appreciate the importance that mourning plays in the healing of the human heart.

 I came home with a renewed appreciation and gratitude for all the time I'd spent at the feet of my mentor, the late Dr Elisabeth Kubler Ross, and her sharing of insights and compassion that allowed me to be of help to this family yesterday. And as is true to form it seems, after some introspection, I wrote a poem...

 Far too soon, it seems, the second anniversary of my sister Eelbren's death from cancer had come on May 29. I again visited her grave, as I did last year. This time, I planted a lovely lilac tree between her and my parents' graves. They all loved lilacs, and I noted it was the only tree in the windblown prairie cemetery. She'd be pleased!

 This time, it took longer for the stillness to settle in me, where I could let the words float into my writing through poetry, which I felt I needed to do to honour her memory and my feelings about her passing too soon. Her spirit is so often here with me... Delightful...smiling, always smiling...

And the poem comes...

Recently, I was invited to join a suicide prevention and awareness group on Facebook. In reading the tragic stories, as well as being able to add my own, I feel I need to give what I can to the topic of awareness and prevention of an issue that leaves such devastating holes in the lives of those left behind by suicide.

I am often struck at how life’s experiences are all so interconnected within each individual person. We are indeed a tangle of experiences, and it is up to us what we do with those bundles, and how much we recognize the gifts in all of them, regardless of whether we name them in sorrow or in joy. I so appreciate Kahlil Gibran’s words, in The Prophet, when he says, Joy and sorrow are inseparable.  Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed…

Recently I attended the 35th reunion of my graduation as a registered nurse from Galt School of Nursing in Lethbridge. Now long defunct, this hospital style of training was a great way to mold eager students into accountable and caring professionals. The training programs went from our hospital programs to two year college programs or four year university programs, neither of which are the stuff of which we came from. Our experiences of hands on training were immensely effective, and I especially see this in hindsight.

The death of a loved one can leave an empty hole in our insides. We often try to fill it with all kinds of things before we realize that time, and what we do with it, will heal more than anything else. But we can do things to facilitate the progress and process of mourning, such as writing, journaling, poetry, painting, drawing, sculpting, gardening, reading or music. This last held surprises for me, as I never knew music to hold so much emotion for me, nor on so many levels of impact.

On a long ago Easter, I wrote a poem when I was working through my grief about my daughter's life and death. Times of significance like Easter and Christmas were intense times of searching for meaning for me as a bereaved parent. I asked a good deal of  questions of God about Truth, peace, forgiveness and where my faith would take me.

 It was a journey that would lead me to a life long fascination with learning about spiritiuality and the things of wonder and awe so beyond our physical human experience. 

Easter is about rebirth on so many levels for me all these years later. My faith in God and His profound Love continues to grow, and not always in directions that I expect! Intrigued, and as long as the blessings continue to bring peace and forgiveness, I'll keep healing through my writing, and hopefully give others permission and encouragement to do the same.

This poem is included in my book, By Grace of Mourning, as part of my writing when narrative and prose wasn't working for me. May it bring you comfort as it did me in writing it that Easter so long ago now...